3 things I learnt from the Smiles brochure

When my fathers car was running low on fuel just after dinner, we stopped at a convenient Esso gas station to get petrol and went inside the mart for drinks and chocolate (chocolate rocks socks). Gripping my Gatorade and maltesers, I calmly stepped up to the counter. And lo! I saw a most disturbing sight which made me shake and quiver in fear. It was staring right into my eyes, persuading me to take it. I stretched out my hand, reaching for it. When it was closely examined, I laughed. A few things were learnt that day.

No. 1 : The front page of the brochure could be used in a horror flick advertisement.

Just taking a glace at it already convinces you that its true.



Now, simply make a few adjustments here and there, and you have a horror flick ad!



Its only a rough idea.. I'm sure some other person can do a better job, but what the heck.

No. 2 : Men go to petrol dispensers and cars for sensual pleasure



The guy in this picture obviously shows great love for his petrol dispenser, looking suggestively into it and with a smile that wide, you can tell straight away that he enjoys touching it.



Now, this man has different preferences. He believes bigger is better and gets turned on by those synergy types. He's strong and muscular and is always delighted to give his lover a big hug. He's everything a petrol dispenser could ever wish for. Once again the smile on his face amazes me, because I can only see such happiness when watching anti drug abuse movies.



That smile disturbs me. Enough said.

Well, if these perfect specimens of evidence from the most reliable source ever were not enough to make you think the entire human race is doomed, please, read the rest.


No.3 : Women and children turn to fruits and groceries for comfort after finding that their video games, toys, books, comics, newspapers, message chairs, jewelry, nail polish, eyeliner and friends were not enough to fill their emotional wants.



Oh, watermelon, you're the only one who understands me, I wanna hold you...and kiss you....and...oh....oh...I wish my friends could be more like you...I love you so much watermelon..

I really hoped that I would find the willpower to continue, but no. No, freaking, way.



Oh, tomato,...



Oh, groceries,..

Well, that's it. If this has'nt disgusted you, you're an idiot. I rule.

Results Are In!

After taking 3 weeks to follow up on my last post, I am finally making a post! Seeing as I have utterly wasted (I spelt this as watsed in my English exam) valuable seconds of your time which could have instead been spent doing something meaningful and self-fulfilling, I am satisfied in doing a great justice to the world, and will begin the actual post...now.

The Actual Post (pun intended, laugh to your heart's content, go on)

Spending 3 weeks preparing for the exams and not posting, I have done so much over this lengthy length of time. So much that I have to summarize it all to fit in a 800x600 window, which I don't really give shit about, but mainly to simplify this extravagant piece of work for the average simpleton the comprehend and understand enough to be translated into priceless information, which would make him/her to be elated in the knowledge of these words enough to keep on reading. (wow, I love wasting people's time)

WEEK 1: the days of anticipation

It was the most precious week we had, the week that would unify us under one common goal. Everyone in the class used this time, paying attention to the lessons, taking down notes, doing extra studying at home and attending as much tuition as they could handle (in my case, once a week).

So, with the exams drawing closer and closer, we trembled in fear, clutching our sword of mechanical pencil lead and black/blue ink pen, wearing the armor of revision, textbooks and homework and holding the shield of relatives expectations, threats of extra tuition. The rewards we were offered inspired us to hold our ground as our sworn enemies, the dreaded OAS sheet, question and answer paper and lastly the answer papers, which were most vulnerable to our weapons, but came in exceedingly large numbers, charged towards us.

Most of the level were prepared, bravely stepping up to the front lines with their boots of arrogance, making the clanking sounds of self praise as they walked. However, some were not, including me, who had spent the entire week playing dota and counter-strike.



WEEK 2 : the day of reckoning

Its was only during the exam period that I felt studying was necessary, dropping the mouse and taking up the textbooks. OH SHIT. Anyway I merely looked through them, answering the questions that caught my attention. After that, which was actually after 2 hours....gimme my com!!! I wanna head shot and get killing spree!!

As such, exams didn't go quite as well as I hoped. Luckily, in a world where people always compare themselves to others, I was fortunate enough to find that most of the entire class found a certain chemistry, A-maths, Chinese and com. humanities paper impossible to do. Isn't it great to be in such a wonderful school?

"If we all fail we fail together, long as we still have each other, and I will still be your friend".....
"And I, and I, and I, eh, eh, eh," this song has no sense...just 1 Rihanna or Ribena whatever dancing with an umbrella. Gonna post about mtv someday. Cool I just visited the ribena website. http://www.ribena.co.uk/index_flash.html

Week 3: marking day and results!!

With the great battle finally over, the survivors slumped back into their comfy chairs, never forgetting the memory of the fallen, who have been defeated repeatedly by the 9 waves of exams. As they rested their weary fingers, they pondered on how they could have done better, trained harder, or received better equipment.

The many wounded students found ways to adapt to their defeat. Firstly, push the blame unto others. Secondly, mope and pout and do everything except repent and work harder for the next exam. It feels great not to be among them.

Estimated Results:
English--B
Chinese--D
Maths--B (improve!!)
A-maths--F (An improved F, but tt doesnt really make a diff does it, 3/4 the class fail)
Com. Humanities--D (also an improvement! half the class fail)
Bio--B
Chem--C (heehee half the class fail)
Physics--Either B or C (section c unmarked, but for leaving out 20 marks and still passing is pretty darn good dont you think)

So there you have it. Enjoy the rest of your lives which just might go to waste once again.