3 things I learnt from the Smiles brochure

When my fathers car was running low on fuel just after dinner, we stopped at a convenient Esso gas station to get petrol and went inside the mart for drinks and chocolate (chocolate rocks socks). Gripping my Gatorade and maltesers, I calmly stepped up to the counter. And lo! I saw a most disturbing sight which made me shake and quiver in fear. It was staring right into my eyes, persuading me to take it. I stretched out my hand, reaching for it. When it was closely examined, I laughed. A few things were learnt that day.

No. 1 : The front page of the brochure could be used in a horror flick advertisement.

Just taking a glace at it already convinces you that its true.



Now, simply make a few adjustments here and there, and you have a horror flick ad!



Its only a rough idea.. I'm sure some other person can do a better job, but what the heck.

No. 2 : Men go to petrol dispensers and cars for sensual pleasure



The guy in this picture obviously shows great love for his petrol dispenser, looking suggestively into it and with a smile that wide, you can tell straight away that he enjoys touching it.



Now, this man has different preferences. He believes bigger is better and gets turned on by those synergy types. He's strong and muscular and is always delighted to give his lover a big hug. He's everything a petrol dispenser could ever wish for. Once again the smile on his face amazes me, because I can only see such happiness when watching anti drug abuse movies.



That smile disturbs me. Enough said.

Well, if these perfect specimens of evidence from the most reliable source ever were not enough to make you think the entire human race is doomed, please, read the rest.


No.3 : Women and children turn to fruits and groceries for comfort after finding that their video games, toys, books, comics, newspapers, message chairs, jewelry, nail polish, eyeliner and friends were not enough to fill their emotional wants.



Oh, watermelon, you're the only one who understands me, I wanna hold you...and kiss you....and...oh....oh...I wish my friends could be more like you...I love you so much watermelon..

I really hoped that I would find the willpower to continue, but no. No, freaking, way.



Oh, tomato,...



Oh, groceries,..

Well, that's it. If this has'nt disgusted you, you're an idiot. I rule.

Results Are In!

After taking 3 weeks to follow up on my last post, I am finally making a post! Seeing as I have utterly wasted (I spelt this as watsed in my English exam) valuable seconds of your time which could have instead been spent doing something meaningful and self-fulfilling, I am satisfied in doing a great justice to the world, and will begin the actual post...now.

The Actual Post (pun intended, laugh to your heart's content, go on)

Spending 3 weeks preparing for the exams and not posting, I have done so much over this lengthy length of time. So much that I have to summarize it all to fit in a 800x600 window, which I don't really give shit about, but mainly to simplify this extravagant piece of work for the average simpleton the comprehend and understand enough to be translated into priceless information, which would make him/her to be elated in the knowledge of these words enough to keep on reading. (wow, I love wasting people's time)

WEEK 1: the days of anticipation

It was the most precious week we had, the week that would unify us under one common goal. Everyone in the class used this time, paying attention to the lessons, taking down notes, doing extra studying at home and attending as much tuition as they could handle (in my case, once a week).

So, with the exams drawing closer and closer, we trembled in fear, clutching our sword of mechanical pencil lead and black/blue ink pen, wearing the armor of revision, textbooks and homework and holding the shield of relatives expectations, threats of extra tuition. The rewards we were offered inspired us to hold our ground as our sworn enemies, the dreaded OAS sheet, question and answer paper and lastly the answer papers, which were most vulnerable to our weapons, but came in exceedingly large numbers, charged towards us.

Most of the level were prepared, bravely stepping up to the front lines with their boots of arrogance, making the clanking sounds of self praise as they walked. However, some were not, including me, who had spent the entire week playing dota and counter-strike.



WEEK 2 : the day of reckoning

Its was only during the exam period that I felt studying was necessary, dropping the mouse and taking up the textbooks. OH SHIT. Anyway I merely looked through them, answering the questions that caught my attention. After that, which was actually after 2 hours....gimme my com!!! I wanna head shot and get killing spree!!

As such, exams didn't go quite as well as I hoped. Luckily, in a world where people always compare themselves to others, I was fortunate enough to find that most of the entire class found a certain chemistry, A-maths, Chinese and com. humanities paper impossible to do. Isn't it great to be in such a wonderful school?

"If we all fail we fail together, long as we still have each other, and I will still be your friend".....
"And I, and I, and I, eh, eh, eh," this song has no sense...just 1 Rihanna or Ribena whatever dancing with an umbrella. Gonna post about mtv someday. Cool I just visited the ribena website. http://www.ribena.co.uk/index_flash.html

Week 3: marking day and results!!

With the great battle finally over, the survivors slumped back into their comfy chairs, never forgetting the memory of the fallen, who have been defeated repeatedly by the 9 waves of exams. As they rested their weary fingers, they pondered on how they could have done better, trained harder, or received better equipment.

The many wounded students found ways to adapt to their defeat. Firstly, push the blame unto others. Secondly, mope and pout and do everything except repent and work harder for the next exam. It feels great not to be among them.

Estimated Results:
English--B
Chinese--D
Maths--B (improve!!)
A-maths--F (An improved F, but tt doesnt really make a diff does it, 3/4 the class fail)
Com. Humanities--D (also an improvement! half the class fail)
Bio--B
Chem--C (heehee half the class fail)
Physics--Either B or C (section c unmarked, but for leaving out 20 marks and still passing is pretty darn good dont you think)

So there you have it. Enjoy the rest of your lives which just might go to waste once again.

language exams gone, now theres a-maths

Now in this time of distress, when the English exams have come to pass, and the rest are yet to come, leaving us only 1 week to appreciate all the good things that have ever happened in our lives. Looking back into the past saying, "wow, I've lived such a good life", what am I doing as others are frantically searching for an answer, a clue, or even a hint to whatever questions that may pop out during the examination, that they may secure in the knowledge of scoring well?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Ok, maybe a bit of dota here and there, blogging, and to top it all off, my friend's passing me the much anticipated, game of the century, the all-important necessity to filling a void in our empty lives, I give you, with a very joyful heart, the Best Game In The World, HALF LIFE 1.



Yes! With it's spectacular 600 x 400 resolution, 16 bit graphics and an arsenal of weapons, this game is astoundingly comparable to that of quake 4!



Who can even detect the slightest difference between these two games??
Heh, I'm bored..lets just end now so Idon't have to keep typing

heh heh -- adsense

Who wouldn't be enticed when a program comes up that allows you to earn money solely depending on other people without you yourself having to work? Well, something just like it already exists! Its.....AdSense! It's free and easy to use (as indicated in the introduction page) and enables you to gain money by people clicking on the advertisement on your website!

However, within days of participating in the wonderful world of free money and actually having such an attractive advertisement on the hurricane effort, I have found that only 18 year olds and above are allowed to gain money from this convenient application of technology. This is bullshit.

Below is the feedback on how amazing AdSense is in helping desparate individuals attain a subtle form of accomplishment, being able to sqeeze a random amount of money to add to their miserable, pathetic lives spent staring at the computer screen, celebrating deep down in their hearts every cent that they made.

“At the beginning I was very concerned that I might lose traffic to competitors. I only used AdSense on a limited number of the site’s pages, and I watched the stats very carefully. If the traffic, pages per visitor, or conversion rates dropped I knew I could easily pull the ads...Since implementing AdSense, our ad revenue has increased more than tenfold, and 100 percent of my available inventory is now sold through AdSense.”
- Vik Kachoria, Entrepreneur, Real Adventure.

Watched the stats very carefully is the part i love best. I'm not saying that AdSense is a waste of whatever precious time we have left in our lives, I'm just saying that they could have more than 3 positive remarks on their service if they had allowed 15 year olds (like me) to benefit from their gift to the world. The other two remarks are below for your veiwing pleasure

“Instead of spending money to hire an additional sales rep to sell ad banners, Google ads have become a virtual sales tool for us. Now we’re able to reap thousands of dollars in additional advertising revenue each month that we would very likely have missed without Google AdSense.”
- Robert Hoskins, Editor and Group Publisher, Broadband Wireless Exchange

“Google shows targeted ads reflecting the sorts of information and services SeatGuru visitors want. For a small business like mine, this is the best approach to advertising. You set it up easily, it automatically serves relevant ads, and it takes very little of my time.”
- Matt Daimler, Founder, SeatGuru.com

http://www.google.com/services/adsense_tour/page9.html

So the question is: why not allow us 7 to 17 year olds (the age when they are normally exposed to the internet to those that can't use AdSense) to use your incredibly effective program? No no no never mind that most of the world's population of 7 to 17 year olds are connected to the internet and have a blog which you can exploit for your advertising purposes, nahhh we'd like to avoid a situation whereby both the advertising company and the host of the website benefit from your currently exclusive program.

I could comment more on this issue like how they think their better than us by being "exclusive" to 18 year olds and above, but I wanna go play my computer games now. I don't think i'll get sued or something for this will I?

Note: The AdSence on my blog will be left up there for fun. Thank you for your support

oh man i just have to post this

(http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=femnazi2)

Shoot my own foot till the cows come home

Yes the ENGLISH exam is tommorow, and what am i doing? BLOGGING. Thats right, BLOGGING. BLLLOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGINNNNGGGGG. Heh, that was so cheap and pointless. Oh well, at this very moment other people are burning the midnight oil studying at the eleventh hour until they are at the end of their tether, confident that they wont be at their wits end in the exams, making sure that the exam would be child's play. However I do not have my heart in my mouth, taking down notes in black and white until im heavy-eyed and in a complete fix the moment I wake up the next day at sixes and sevens. Thus, I think studying for the english exams is just as useful as carrying gold to Newcastle.

By leaps and bounds, remarks will be blurted out about how I'm wrong or how I'm blowing my own trumpet and one might go to any lengths to blaze the trial to calling me thick in the head. Well, stop airing your opinions and washing your dirty linen in public. Nobody wants to know your ups and downs, how you turned over a new leaf or threw in the sponge. You are not the salt of the earth! You are not the apple of anyone's eye. In fact, I laugh up your sleeve whoever you are. Yeah that's right, I siad it , now go cry over spilt milk you hopeless white elephant. Heh, crocodile tears.

Well, now that im done talking through my hat about someone I may have made up, let's just hope that we see eye to eye. I'm not studying for english, and yet im looking up idioms, cool.
Ok, I know that this post could be a lot longer, but I have put my shoulder to the wheel and I cant put my best foot forward if it drags to more than 40 minutes. So, I'm ending it here. I'm striking while the iron is hot so that I can finally stand on my own legs (my legs are cramped, crap!). Taking the French leave! Starting from scratch just to put the cart before the horse is just sticking my neck out. I have to mind my p's and q's.

To find out the meaning of whatever ive siad, please consult your nearest self-help book on idioms. If you cant find them, you're just a pig in a poke.

What's GOING ON In My Life?!

How is it that normal people will feel so stressed, busy, and tired all at the same time and yet I can still sit back, relax and enjoy the comfort of my home? Yes, exams are just around the corner, with just 3 days till Chinese paper. People are working hard, people are studying, people are putting so much of their daily lives into reading, memorising, understanding, solving that they are driven to the brink of self-destruction (I think some people have studied so hard that they blank out during the exam itself so yeah self-destruction).

There is no logical explanation as to why I don't have "a sense of urgency" or "the drive to push forward" as said by my teachers besides the fact that I just dont. In fact, maybe i'm writing this to get my mind on studying but...if that's the case y am i still writing this?!

Great..now I know that this isnt working..but I still feel like writing anyway. So how could it be that I'm not worried about the exams even though I know I should? Maybe there are others like me, but I'm not prepared to repeat what happened in Term Assessment 1.

The first exam of the year, taking into consideration my sec 2 results, I thought that i didn't need to study since the paper would be as simple as my past examinations. As such, while others were frantically searching their textbooks revising what they have learnt over the past few months, I was at home watching TV eating potato chips or playing Dota.



(some random image taken from google)


THE RESULTS: ENGLISH - B
CHINESE - E
COM.HUMANITIES - F
MATHS - E
A-MATHS- F
PHYSICS - C
CHEMISTRY - A
BIOLOGY - B

Now the whole world can see why I should be studying, wow, I feel like studying now (or maybe im just hungry).