Christmas!

Well. It's that time of the year again. The time of the year where people exchange gifts, go shopping, eat out, and get drunk. I don't think this year is going to be any different though, I'm not going to get presents from young ladies, I'm not going to buy anything, and I might not even get to drink.

Ahhh what the heck, the reason I made such an interesting first paragraph was to lull you into a false sense of security. The truth is I DO want something for Christmas this year!

I need a bloody wallet. The one I have is literally coming to pieces. The pockets are torn, the innards and outards are all scratched, and there's a hole big enough for my house key to slip out. Right now this is the one gift that would be perfect for Christmas.

I want an Mp3 player, with earphones. At least twice a week I have to sit in a miserable bus where to one talks to each other and the only sounds which can be heard comes from the bus engine and crappy shows like My Sassy Neighbor on TV mobile. If I have to contend with that mindless bullshit they show 16 hours a day every time I board a bus, I'd make sure that my earwax piles up so much that I won't be able to hear anything.

Why do shows like that even exist? Is it popular? Popular enough that it makes money to keep running? What does this reflect on Singapore? If that spectacle of incompetence caters to our taste, it's no wonder we make movies like "Legend of The Sea". You can tell it's a great movie by looking at the graphics.


We must be so proud to be Singaporean.
Why are sharks molesting a dragon?
Is this all we are capable of?

I personally did not watch the show, because to watch it just to prove that it blows is stupid. I'm also quite sure that watching it would be as pleasant as chewing and swallowing aluminum foil. Heck, I should be a movie director. I already have an idea.

The movie will be named "Doll" translated into Japanese. The plot is about a married man who buys a sex doll at a local Japanese store because he wasn't satisfied with his wife. He takes the life-size model, with a perfect body, into his home alone and does the expected. After the action, the man is completely exhausted, and is half-awake. His wife returns to find a naked woman strangling her husband on the wedding bed. Her husband dies soon after and she rushes out of the house.

Years later, she finds a new husband and days go by as normal. The husband decides to buy a sex doll and she, haunted by the memories, desperately tries to talk her husband out of it, but he wont listen. The doll he buys looks exactly like the one in her memory and continues to haunt her every moment. When her husband is awake, he is perpetually tempted by the doll, which sits harmlessly at a corner. When her husband is asleep, she stays awake by his side, fearful. A head slowly rises from her husbands side of the bed.

This idea has been copyrighted in every aspect as of 23rd of December 2007. Producers who wish to make this movie will ask me personally. Oh yeah so I want an Mp3 player.

Happy Holidays!

Something worse than Solitary Confinement?

Here's how it works. You get locked inside a 1 story house which is brightly lit all the time , and instead of having a security guard standing outside, receiving food every 4-5 hours, you get a maid who cooks 3 meals a day, cleans after you, and tidies up the house. Sound good so far?

Here's the bad thing. He/she will look horrible. Warts, short and fat legs, fat body, disgusting face. The maid will never leave you alone. Never. So while you are trying to do something, anything, she'll pop her fat, ugly, face in front of you and asks you something completely random. Either that or says something stupid that you don't want to hear. Worse still if you have a broken television in the house and she keeps asking you which button on the remote switches it on.

After a few days she'll start nagging at you for not helping around the house or ignoring her (something most people would try). Then right after nagging she turns around and walks away singing badly. The house will be very hollow so you can hear the banshee's cry no matter how far you are. She might talk about or to lizards or ants or anything that might be living inside the house. There will be nothing to fade the noise. No music, no television, no instruments.

Any visitors will be scared away by her greeting. They will be treated the same way you are, ensuring that no one visits your house again, ever.

It might not sound that bad at first, but at prolonged times, can prove to be very effective at maintaining discipline. Anyone would do anything to get of there. Heck, I should be a prison warden. Everyone would fear me.

TV is Overrated

I stayed at home the whole day yesterday and wondered why television sucks so much. My house has cable and thus access to over 30 different channels. However, only a few shows amongst hundreds have brought great entertainment. These shows deserve utmost praise for standing out amidst an endless sea of boredom. The fact that there aren't many of these shows proves that television is something I watch to sleep.

If there were a channel dedicated to keeping me entertained, it would have the following shows. If you do not agree that they are great or have not even heard of them, go to the 24-hour Dora The Explorer channel. I'm sure that show would be perfect for you.

Ren & Stimpy



Man I love this show. It used to be on Nickelodeon for a while. Ahh the times, so wasted because I didn't appreciate it earlier. Now it's gone, gone for a long, long time.

Rocko's Modern Life



This used to be on Nick too

Mythbusters and Brainiac



Discovery channel ought to be awarded for even having this show broadcasted. I only watched 2 episodes of Brainiac though, but I really, really want to watch more.

Other shows that would be on:

Movies on HBO or Star Movies. I watched Gladiator the other day and compared it to whatever I've watched on Disney. The Disney Channel can go to hell for showing dumbass movies every day at 7.00 pm, not realizing that quantity can never beat quality.

Seinfeld, Becker, and other shows like those.

Kids Next Door, Tom and Jerry, The Roadrunner show, Popeye, Batman (both the animated series and "THE" Batman).

The Simpsons, tragically still showing once a day. Should make it 2 or more.

American Dragon, the old version. The new artist makes them all look like shit.

Spongebob Sqarepants. I love it.

Robot Chicken, Bleach, Naruto and other shows I have to watch on Youtube or Crunchyroll.

Some shows on Hallmark.

Boston Legal.

Totally Spies. Maybe you didn't expect this to pop up, but after comparing them to the Powerpuff Girls , I'm glad they're on TV. Stupid bug-eyed freaks, I loved that episode where they got chased out to the moon and never returned. Wait, did that happen?

That may be the entire list, because I might have forgotten some old classics. If you see any show that you think I'd like, tell me about it.

Anyway, watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwvtREuu6yo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0TlZpgaEZ4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V35w3Lz7d4Y&feature=related

I might be wrong about Rihanna

When the song "umbrella" came out, I thought she had turned from an artist to a slut. Seems like after listening to some of her other songs, as a result of having no life, "umbrella" may be the only terrible song she's made.

So what have I been doing besides this? I slept all day. That's it. That and making some comic. Heck, why do I even bother? If I were a reader, I wouldn't give two shits about someone else's day. That's right, I wouldn't care if anyone slept well or took a relaxing bath. That's not entertainment. I am never going to write about my day again ever.

The Winx Club can burn and die

I can make better shows than anyone. Thus I can judge whether a show blows or rocks. The first victim of my fair judgment shall be the almighty Winx Club, spelt with an "x" instead of an "ks" to show how rebellious it is by purposely spelling the name wrong. Maybe I can name my show "Winx Sux OMGWTFBBQ". That would be a great name.

Not only does the name sound like crap, its about a bunch of sissy fairies in a school. They fight bad guys, and have spastic pixies the size of my head run around and annoy them (the villains) until they give up and say "humph!".

The characters themselves look like the aliens from "mars attack". Wait, the aliens look better. Who's eyes are so big they spread to the ears? It does not make them look cute, it makes my face numb.


With eyes that big and fingers so small, you could shove your fist inside. Fairies with fists in their eyes, man that would rock.

Anyone who likes watching this festival of bad voice-acting, lousy scripts and tasteless music should be chopped, deep-fried and served as popcorn people. Either that or called a very bad name. I know some people who watch this dumb show, and treated them as such.

Don't watch Winx Club if you've seen Top Gear. Winx Club to the brain is like salt to snails.

Popeye kicks ass

I was thinking for some time the other day and I figured how much Popeye kicks ass. He eats spinach and takes down guys 3 times as big as himself. How cool is that? Its as if his strength comes directly from spinach, and the more he eats, the more powerful he becomes.

So if Popeye had a whole container strapped on his back full of spinach, that makes him as cool as bane, but kicks more ass since bane always becomes same old bigger bane.



Batman? Not even he can step up.
Olive and Pluto look like shit though.

funnest week ever

Ok, now that I've finished celebrating the end of the end of year exams, I can finally put the events here for all to see. Why do I continue to do all this? I've asked this question to myself several time, resulting in the closing of my previous blog. I mean, I even came to know a stranger from America who actually proved her own intelligence, separating herself from the rest of the gang. How? By reading my blog weekly, and giving insightful comments. Her online name was....damn I forgot. Anyway it felt amazing to know that at least someone gives a damn. It motivated me to do more, better posts. Oh well, that time is gone, but I'll just continue .

...................................

Hey! I managed to go back to my first blog. Apparently her name was evercurious. Yeah she commented for about 3-4 of my posts... fun time blogging about total nonsense. I looked back at my blog and laughed at myself. My posts were so retarded... Actually, I feel ashamed because that page looks incredibly horrible. I don't think I want to look at it ever again. Letting go of the past.

Oh? Where were we? Oh right right this week. Amazing. The highlight was Tuesday as we ( Me, Eng, Lim and Farhan) went to Escape Theme park that day. That was the first time I went there and now I can proudly say that I have done Go Carting. The station was slightly impressive. You would go round and round until you reach the top where there would be a 45 degree slope downwards. I initially planned to speed the whole way but since it was my first time, I decided to slow down. It would've been so much better.

They also had this haunted house, complete with plastic arms and cheap mechanics. It wasn't scary at all except for one part where this guy was shaking back and fourth, electrocuted, in a dim lighted room. That was a bit freaky.

Afterwards, we went on this ride called the Inverter. Like most good rides, it brought us fear and suspence even before the ride.



The look of sheer terror is imprinted on our faces.
True enough, screams of horror arose when the ride started. It's more fun when you let go of the handles, I was the only one doing it though.

Then there was this other ride which wasnt so impressive. All it did was spin us around. Its was closed for cleaning for a while, no surprise for a ride that made me dizzy for the rest of day. However, that was'nt the ride that made me sick, it was what we saw before it.

Basically, there was this Itallian-looking fella with not a, not two, but three girls following him. The only reason we noticed them was because they were making some sult-fest love scene. How could those three girls feel okay with sharing the same guy? I mean, they took turns to hug and kiss him, so weird. It gave me chills and made my body and fingers tense and say, "ugh".

His entire being was the ultimate sterotype of "Pretty-faced lover boy". Imagine the surfer on a Billabong T-shirt. Yeah, that's him. Judging by his face, I'd say his name was Alfonso.

Well, the day didn't end there. After that we went to this buffet cook-it-yourself restuarant called Hans River. The price was $14 per head and I felt that the meal was not worth it. It was fun cooking though. It had all kinds of meat and vegetables, with different add-ons spliting up all the sections. For example, there was Char Siew chicken on one side and Tom Yum chicken on another side.

However, the major let down there was the service. We got served by this midde-aged guy who sold us drinks at $8 per jugg. So we wanted cold water and guess what? He told us straight in the face that the restuarant does not serve water. Wtf? He also served us with half a bowl of rice to start off.

Outraged, we had to settle with being $2 poorer and half a cup of rice short. We didn't take it too well though. Since they decided to treat us second-rate, we decided to give them the same treatment. Hehehe.

I started a "best designed Ice-Kachang" competition to see who could make the best looking clump of ice. They didn't serve us water, so we took their ice away. They didnt serve us rice, so we took away their agar-agar, syrup, milk and other add-ons. Unfortunately, the only reason I won was because no one else wanted to make one, and there was no more ice left. It was so fun seeing all that stuff go to waste.

To top it all off, I put a scoop of ice cream right on the top and gave it a smiley face with a noodle and two jelly cubes. The finished result.




From there we went into Popular bookstore, and behold! I now hold a copy of Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars. It was then that we realised that Lim had left his bag back at the place we ran away laughing from. Luckily they hadn't checked on our spot yet. The fools.

Well, the day was done from there. We went our separate ways and I enjoyed installing my new game. That day was fun, and I must have a day like that again. I must.

Enjoy living life, fellow men and women free from exams.